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It's Not This Way

by Aaron Schroeder

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1.
Momentary Ending 03:33
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It’s not like I feel the same as you You’re not always in control , it’s true A long time isn’t as lost as it seems When ground floors are only vacancies We don’t always get what we want I found out what made us virtuous In sick cathedrals I lost my grip This is the kind of place we’re always leaving I’m jumping off the diving board, you’re grieving Left on momentary endings (When) Now I’ve given more than I could give Did we become something we weren’t supposed to be? At last A momentary ending went by too quickly Momentary ending Where I said nothing After so much had gone by It’s not like I felt the same as you Ashamed to be caught pacing this room A life spent outside the palace gates I’m falling off the diving board, you’re waiting There by the momentary endings Now I’ve given more than you could give Momentary ending went by too quickly Momentary ending where I said nothing After so much had gone Didn’t set off to hurt anyone or anything, a momentary ending Ashamed of all this space We’ve given given each other I tried to fix everything I can’t give it up Aligned yet side b y side I pressed the keys you tore them off I’m still trying to fix everything A momentary ending - I paid tribute to
2.
Tell Them All 02:29
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Some closed off Used to think (I was) Competent at most things (when) Alone was somewhere to go Rather then where to leave The spell broke with no time left You can always come back to this When finding bliss becomes ones with the fear of losing it So tell them all Tell them all Tell them all Tell them all We died another death Rewriting everything This conversation is still such a mess I miss the days we spoke without pretense Talking to myself Talking to myself Talking to myself Halcyon You said I should be more shrewd That’s fucking cold coming from you I’ve learned to tell them one thing and mean something else Spiral stairs and in between Nothingness: Not as it seemed We died another death Replacing everything This conversation is still such a mess I miss the days we spoke without pretense Tell me all the ways I’ve let you down Talking to myself Talking to myself Talking to myself
3.
The Wrong Feelings 03:08
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All the ways Disaster falls out of trend Have I gave up too much space? Talk about All the pasts you can’t escape Days too gone to examine now We’re halfway lost in a castle filled with spies We realized we’re aligned when we’re right Once already died So you can tell me all the things I never thought before We bowed our heads went through an open door Cherish all the wrong feelings with me now Needing nothing more than some downtime Inside a waiting room Or under some bright eyes To care about the wrong things with me now There is no Better liar than time, you said Have I gave up too much space? When you drop me off Automatic reverence They are younger than me But not that young (Oh shit) So you can tell me all the things I never thought before We bowed our heads Went through an open Most of the time it isn’t clarity One pair of eyes follows you down the street Cherishing the wrong feelings with me now Needing nothing more than some downtime Inside a waiting room Or under the bright eyes And care about the wrong things with me now Halfway lost in a castle filled with spies We realized we’re Aligned So you can tell me all the things I never thought before We bowed our heads went through an open door Cherish all the wrong feelings with me now Needing nothing more than some downtime Inside a waiting room Or under some bright eyes To care about the wrong things with me now I don’t want to die from your arms I don’t want to die from your arms I just want it too
4.
Tightening 03:27
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Couldn’t be the weight of the mountain (or) Chiming of the bells that we doubted I’m telling you I love you Like I’m trying to convince us both Wouldn’t change a thing When the difference Between the ocean floor and a beach is Water running over Over over over over If you stay here After so much time has gone another way I’ve been losing track of what I meant to say I thought you would known by now If I stay here Tightening our grip It never stays in light These spiral stairs a faithless nod toward dying skies I thought you would known by now Mostly I’m over defending Collapsing and wild beneath Such beasts were once rampant between our eyes Like lights off the river Mostly I’m over defending Collapsing and wild beneath Such beasts were once rampant between our eyes Like lights off the river Foreign sky that collects us both If I stay here After so much time has gone another way I’ve been losing track of what I meant to say I thought you would known by now Couldn’t be the weight of the mountain (or) Chiming of the bells that I doubted Do we just keep getting worse? Or can’t we help forgetting what we’ve lost?
5.
Never A Problem 02:52
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I tried allowing myself to form a thread From what I did to you How charming we assumed The walls could hold this room Up I don’t see love as escaping now Since it’s harder to get it back Never a problem Pale eyes stare black Our faults were trapped inside a dream, Temptation and quicksand Some kind of strange encouragement (We got) I don’t see love as escaping now If this is the rest of my life I look up and watched us crashing It was slow and never a problem Crawling back into my head You’re so good at making me feel bad I’ll walk you through the palace If you promise to not ask me anything I don’t see love as escaping now If this is the rest of our lives Running up and down the aisles now (like) Couples at the cemetery Holding hands
6.
Dividing 02:58
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I can say that’s not for me I think you stole it all The stage fills up with confetti that falls Since every party ends They get older every night but we don’t A chandelier hangs around Is this how dying begins? In some house Like a stray that never leaves Or the hole that we went down Darker than ever (before) Now that we’ve been living in the light Now we’ve been living in the light Cast off death traps from this cruel world, goodbye! Tonight we all know what We learned today and tomorrow I will forget it and learn it again I can say that’s now for me Not Ojai but Ohio Why bother comparing lives? The line of thinking never ended well We fell separately Now that we’ve been living in the light To have and to hold Dividing us both To have and to hold I tried to be worthy of whatever this was And I apologized to the largest number of People willing to hear I can’t raise my eyes Until this savage pageant vanished from sight I have a feeling they were ruining my mind We felt increasingly out of our element Dividing To have and to hold Dividing us both To have and to hold Every party ends Every party ends
7.
We Might Be Over 03:02
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You said maybe that Our season had past And I didn’t mind thinking it had Even though we strayed We could find our way back I’m sorry if I held on for too long Walking home tonight Under yellow lights Feels like I’m walking underwater Every day ends I guess what matters most Could we regret how we hurt ourselves? Now in your modern age I fear the rest is worthless We might be over You gave me too much credit Then took it away Now we might be over Ah, ah, ah (We might be over) What meant so much and then (Soft) Obliteration I used to wonder how you gave so much In those halcyon days I thought felt the same I’m sorry that I held on for too long In the darkness I see But I don’t believe that We might be over You gave me too much credit Then took it away Now we might be over Ah, ah, ah We might be over Which victim is the enemy? I never grew tired of you Who cares who dies alone Reach for your hands And you can take on mine Ah, ah, ah
8.
Into The Top 02:10
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Sit with sinners on a rotten coast Everything second hand So we don’t seem that old To some outside world Then you’re telling me I should want more You have this weird impression Starting overboard From some outside world An imbalance that sat inside us both Army of daughters They get cynical and ghost us (in) A land of smoke A supplication to someone unseen Then you become a saint And youth is is the thing That keeps on ending now Ending now Another Post Deceptive year Where I’m not here The days are long The nights are lost Oceans of skeletons Where we Sit with sinners on a rotten coast Everything second hand So it doesn’t seem old From some outside world From some outside world where I can’t stop you from fucking up Nobody wants to see us like that now please Stretching out, dried up With black sunglasses on I can’t stop you from I can’t stop you from When de-record means the same as erase means the same as it always Into the top
9.
Starting Overboard 01:57
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I’m not giving up Even though we faltered In the light of dawn then Like we’re starting over I’m not what you thought We were wrong, it obvious Keys thrown open windows Too late to drive home (anyway) The last moves you make Look down from the stairway My shadow fell My shadow fell (Stay back and turn your life around Stay back you turn your life around? Stay back and turn your life around Stay back you turn your life around?) I’m not giving up Even though we faltered In the light of dawn then I’m not giving up I’m living this life over I’m living this life over I’m living this life over
10.
Holding Up Some Hours 03:01
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Close the caskets La la la, la la la!! Hard to know what’s happened to everyone Could you make art out of Something that you had lost? I suspected my life had been too long Don’t put your hands down yet! All the things you said were just waiting on me, oh oh! Lost us then With nothing else to forgive Sentiment with nothing else to relive I can’t hold on when you want to leave I watch you float through the white ceilings I watch you go Close the casket You can’t tell me we’re home True love’s worst regret Is waiting on a feeling that never comes back Lost us then With nothing else to forgive Sentiment with nothing else to relive They let you go, I hold on too long And now these ruins are all we have And now these ruins are all you’ve left I watch you go Seen from away Wild bonfire In these bright lines written in and on your face Hold up some hours Bring fear to light I never said I needed things to change That was you who did!
11.
Waterfall II 02:50
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How many names can we make for the same thing: Culture, Trust and Devotees (The cameras are always on) Take me back (when) I didn’t see us enemies You put a flower in your teeth (Strolling past the hanging lights) What you meant, is desire a dream? What you get when you only see what is left What you said Do we only memorize the past? What you felt is desire a dream? What you get Is it time for cracking up yet? What you said, do we only memorize the past? It gets dark Hallucinations didn’t take Broken wings all stayed the same I kept up, you fell apart Laying out recurring themes You can’t tell me that we’re home This is just a place we grew (up in) What you felt, is desire a dream? What you get when you only want what is left What you said that we only memorized the past When it’s a waterfall If it’s a waterfall I saw the blood On your lips Was it yours or was it mine? How could I let you be When you said: It’s just a mistake this time? What you meant, is desire a dream? What you get when you only want what is left What you said that we only memorized the past When it’s a waterfall It’s a waterfall Shadows on the wall Eat each other - windows open You’re still going through my head How was I to explain it It seems so stupid to try You’re still stuck inside my head
12.
Won't Get Back 03:42
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Not come back Don’t come back When you don’t come back They gave what they could Desperate dreams they say it's not this way Not everything is wrong So take it slow When everything is gone Might get back We might get back I’ve known you since anything mattered At the end We might come back Might find our way back Ending! I’ll apologize for all I’ve done When everything I said can’t hold us More intimate details: To walk through hell with flashlights on our hands I am not strong A black cat stands beneath a lemon tree Right after you walk out I'm older now When I fade out we're older now Not come back Don’t come back When you don’t come back They gave what they could Instantly, this meant nothing A year in LA dead Different combinations for various effects I wanted you to care But I went about it wrong Not everything is off So take it slow When everything is on When the hands of a clock reach the end they just come around again dragged through spiderwebs Oh.

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home album recorded September 2023 - December 2023

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released January 1, 2023

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Aaron Schroeder San Francisco, California

Puking in the fountains of youth

SF CA

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